Dear Homegurl,
My girlfriend hates Shrek but Shrek is love, Shrek is life. How can I love both my Shrek and my girlfriend? Sincerely, Shrek is Love Dear Shrek is Love, As a fellow lover of Shrek, I understand where you’re coming from. I think you should start watching teen moms on Youtube. Maybe this will cheer you up as looking at small children that are half the size of their mothers always cheers me up. But remember: it's all ogre now. Peace and blessings, Homegurl |
Dear Homegurl,
How can Lewis Capaldi be so perfect? My friends say he looks like the Pillsbury doughboy or a potato smiley. But I think he is just perfect. How do I convince my friends that Lewis and I will be married one day? Sincerely, Scottish Lover Dear Scottish Lover, Lew is perfect in every aspect. There is no question. Maybe try photoshopping yourself with Lewis Capaldi to prove that you are a real couple. Peace and blessings, Homegurl |
Dear Homegurl,
How many fingernails are safe to ingest at one time? Asking for a friend. Sincerely I Need Professional Help Dear, I Need Professional Help, I think that it is safe to say that around 7.5 half fingernails and 3.75 whole fingernails. But I feel that perhaps your “friend” should not ingest any fingernails and use your time to watch old Disney shows. And if you ingest more than 3.75 fingernails...Good Luck Charlie. Peace and Blessin's, Homegurl |
Dear Homegurl,
I am having a dilemma. Please tell me what the best thing before sliced bread? Was it a loaf? A baguette? Sincerely, Gluten Gal Dear Gluten Gal, This is a fantastic question. The best thing before sliced bread was definitely a baguette. My favorite way to eat them is to remove the guts and fill with Nutella. A piece of advice for you: when life gives you dilemmas, make dillemonade. Peace and Blessings, Homegurl |
Dear Homegurl,
All of my friends are hanging out without me. How do I get myself back into the group? Halloween is coming up and I want to go with them. Sincerely, Lonely Dude Dear Lonely Dude, I understand how you feel. Friends can be frustrating sometimes. Maybe for Halloween, you can try on a new personality. Blair Waldorf would approve. Peace and blessings, Homegurl |
Dear Homegurl,
I want to start an Animas High School Tik Tok account where we all make Tik Toks about the very dumb meme accounts. How should I start? Sincerely, Meme winner Dear Meme Winner, Please do that but also maybe don’t. I like the idea but the Tik Toks need to be Spicy and crispy. Peace and Blessin’s, Homegurl |
Dear Homegurl,
How do I figure out which flavour of Juul pods are my flavorite? I am addicted to nicotine. Which is most like my personality? Sincerely, Mint or Mango Dear Mint or Mango, NO! Have you learned nothing from Susy’s food stand? CREPES NOT VAPES. No Juul pod is like your personality! Vaping in high school?! You’re such a loser! Except maybe Dark Soul, but they haven’t made that yet probably. And remember, if you Juul in schuul you’re not cuul. Peace and blessin’s, Homegurl |
Dear Homegurl,
I am going to my grandparents’ house on Thanksgiving, and I will go INSANE. Between the older cousins excluding me and the small one’s asking if I have games on my phone, I thoroughly believe someone will get a knuckle sandwich. Not to mention my mom and her 21 siblings arguing about who’s a better parent. I need some tips! Sincerely, Cousin #13 Dear Cousin #13, I know how rough family can be, especially on holidays. Since it’s clear that the older cousins aren’t who you will be hanging out with, I suggest bringing a book and going full antisocial. Find a coat closet away from everyone else and maybe even take a nap. Don’t let the sticky children go near your phone. Peace and blessin’s, Homegurl |
Dear Homegurl,
I just threw a huge party where we all played Twister and Shoots and Ladders because my parents are out of town and they don’t allow retro party games in the house. They just told me that they’re coming home and I need to figure out how to hide the 34 boxes of Twister and 23 boxes of Shoots and Ladders. Sincerely, Twisted Thinking Dear Twisted Thinking, That sounds like a party and a half. Retro party games are my favorite. If your parents are coming home, hide them all in the attic, basement or closet until I can break into your house and steal them. Peace and Blessin’s, Homegurl |
Dear Homegurl,
This morning, I was peacefully sleeping in my bathtub full of Ramen Noodles when I heard a commotion. As I opened my eyes, I was face to face with a deer that was in fact eating my Ramen. I feel that this was not only terrifying, but very rude as well. I paid $17 on individual Ramen packets just to fill the tub. How do I make sure I am safe in my own house? Sincerely, Oh Deer Dear Oh Deer, I will not question why you were sitting in Ramen, but that sounds wild from start to finish. How did the deer get into the house? Wouldn’t it slip on the stairs? Whatever the reason, I am sure he was hungry for our favourite college meal. Peace and Blessin’s, Homegurl |
Dear Homegurl,
I am new to this town. I am wondering why everyone is wearing sandals in December? Everywhere I turn, there’s a mountain biker coming straight at me. And what’s up with the fact that we were named “Worst dressed town in America?” Sincerely, Socks and Sandals Dear Socks and Sandals, In Durango, every season is Chaco season. If it gets below 25°, you my start to see socks with Chacos. There are also lots of mountain bikers here. Like tons. Don’t ask why because I truly have no clue. We were named worst dressed town in 2011...but I wouldn’t take the press’ word for it. Peace and Blessin’s, Homegurl |
Dear Homegurl,
Hanukkah is coming up and I don’t know how to tell my family that I am tired of latkes. I love them, but there’s no amount of ketchup or other condiments that will make them as delicious as they used to be. Also, my little sister gets to light the menorah this year when it’s my job. How do I tell my mom about her bland potato pancakes and tell her that I want to light the menorah? Sincerely, Hanukkah Problem Dear Hanukkah Problem, Boy, have I been in your shoes. I used to think latkes were as bland as they are flat. After a few years, I discovered that applesauce is the way to go. As for the menorah issue, maybe just let your sister have a turn as you’ve already had it for years. Spread the menorah magic and the applesauce. Peace and Blessin’s, Homegurl |
Dear Homegurl,
I’m super excited for Christmas this year, but I am TERRIFIED of Santa. I know he’s supposed to be all jolly, but it’s creepy. The reindeer make me anxious that my roof will cave in, and the elves are certainly the result of the non-existant Arctic child labor laws. How should I combat the holidays? Sincerely, Preferably Easter Dear Preferably Easter, First of all, you’re overthinking it. The reindeer are magic and women so go girl-power, obviously the child labor laws are different everywhere, including the North Pole, maybe let them know they can unionize. Santa is very jolly because he loves the world...maybe you should try it. Peace and Blessin’s, Homegurl |
Dear Homegurl,
POLs are coming up and I’m so scared! How come I have to fit my entire semester into one 5 minute presentation? What advice do you have for POLs this year? And how do I get out of it? Sincerely, POL Petrified Dear POL Petrified, Unfortunately, the only way to get out of POLs is to throw a vicious tantrum. I mean lying on the floor and possibly breaking the floor. Aside from that, POLs aren’t that big of a deal and the teachers just want to see how you’re doing. My advice to you is to relax and let the teachers help you. Peace and Blessin’s, Homegurl |